The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off.
Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.
And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. But you must understand that I said "simple." That is not the same as "easy." These steps are not easy. They do, however, give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.
15 Tips for a Better Marriage
Published October 4, 1990. I came across an interesting book the other day titled, “The Book of Inside Information.” It is a compilation of tips and comments sent out in a biweekly newsletter called “Bottom Line.” The newsletter deals with such topics as money, health, success, retirement, cars, taxes, fitness, education, shopping, home, and marriage.
- As I thumbed through the book, I was interested in an article titled, “Fifteen Tips for a Better Marriage.” I thought you might be interested, too. Here, supposedly, is the “Bottom Line” on how to have a good marriage. See if you agree.
- Keep marriage realistic. Honeymoons may recur, but marriage is a day-by-day relationship between changing humans. Sacrifices and heartache are challenges you must expect.
- Don’t be afraid to say something nice. Compliment one another on appearance, considerations, and so on.
- Show affection. Hold hands, touch, kiss – even in public.
- Don’t let the children divide you. Keep your shared responsibility to the children separate from your responsibility and loyalty to your mate.
- Don’t let in-laws make inroads. Good relations with relatives are an advantage, but don’t let them influence you against your spouse. Talk about the problems that in-laws create – and solutions to those problems.
- Grow together intellectually. It won’t work 20 years later if one partner has progressed while the other has slipped backward. Openly discuss shared goals and the intellectual expectations of one another.
- Fight when necessary, then forget. Bring things that disturb into the open – even if it means conflict. Seek solutions. Ultimately there are no winners or losers. Compromise as much as possible, and then downplay the conflict. The next, far better state is making up.
- Don’t confuse honesty and cruelty. Honesty that has no purpose except to hurt the other is a false virtue. Protect your mate’s feelings.
- Be forthright financially. Set realistic expectations about money and its problems. Work toward shared financial goals.
- Don’t let careers diminish the marriage. Overachievers can let careers shut out the spouse. Ironically, bad marriages often diminish the career. Together work out the right balance. Point: It’s easier to get a decent job than a good spouse.
- Do things together. Couples that work and play together also stay together. (Allow your spouse enough independence, too.)
- Cooperate sexually. Everyone is vulnerable sexually. Talk, explore, experiment. Communicate with one another, and protect each other’s feelings.
- Keep talking – even when it’s tough. Barriers of silence and non-meaningful communication only grow and become more impenetrable. The more difficult it seems, the more important it is to keep communicating – especially about communicating.
- Don’t get self-righteous. Each of us has flaws and inhibitions. A good marriage takes these into consideration. Overlook the petty irritants. If your spouse forgets to screw on the toothpaste cap, just do it yourself and forget it.
- Keep positive. Keep the relationship upbeat. Turn problems into opportunities for greater understanding, and work toward creative solutions and projects.
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