Why as a divorce mediator are you writing about how to save a marriage relationship? Isn’t it your job to help couples end their marriage with a no-fault divorce?
Honestly, I was thinking the same thing…
Yes, my job is to help couples divorce peacefully and it isn't my role to help a husband and wife find a way to save the marriage. But divorce mediation is only appropriate when both spouses are on the same page.
If one of you wants to end your marriage but the other wants to know how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce, there’s not much I can do.
How to Save Your Marriage - Powerful Tools For Enhancing Romance
Would you like to save your marriage or rekindle the passion in your romantic relationship? If your relationship is on the rocks, or is suffering from boredom or indifference, you can take immediate steps to improve it. And you can take these steps without your partner's immediate cooperation!
Pro-Active Steps
Many of my relationship clients say the best time in their marriage or romantic relationship was the "honeymoon period." And they long for a return to those exciting days!
The honeymoon period or infatuation stage is when the relationship is brand new and both partners are on their best behavior and trying to win each other's adoration, respect and love. Both parties are on a natural high as the newness of the relationship makes every date seem so, so exciting. Being with someone new is both stimulating and refreshing.
This period may last for a year or two before interest subsides a little and the relationship becomes more predictable and "old hat." As the initial euphoria and infatuation subside (and the relationship matures), the couple often becomes discouraged and wonders what's wrong!
Nothing is really wrong, but it sure feels different.
This is part of a natural progression that all relationships go through. So how do you save your marriage? Marital problems can be complicated, but one way is to ignite new passion and interest in your relationship.
Suggestions For Bringing New Life Into Your Marriage
1. Relive the early days of your relationship. Recall your first date, something funny that may have happened or fond and memorable experiences the two of you had together. Talk about it over coffee or dinner, or look at a photo album containing pictures of special events in your early relationship.
You'll be stir up some laughs and conjure warm, fuzzy feelings. That's a good starting point... the more you two can recall the good old days and reconnect with what you like about your relationships the better! Pay close attention when your spouse talks about what he/she liked about the relationship you used to have.
2. While you're at it... since we all change with time, find out what your partner saw and liked in you in the beginning. Maybe he/she misses the "old you." If, for example, he/she was drawn to you because of your sense of humor, then try to recapture your old hilarity, spunk and spontaneity. Once again being silly or youthful, and letting go of inhibition (and acting a little crazy) might work wonders for your relationship.
3. Make a date, in the spirit of the old times or early days of your relationship, and try to spend as much time preparing for it as you did all those years ago. Throw in some old-fashioned enthusiasm and a dash of passion on your part. You know, wear a new outfit, get your hair styled and put your best foot forward. You may want to revisit a special place you spent a lot of time in as a couple, or try something new and exciting. Go into the date with the idea of having a ton of FUN!
In other words, forget about the problems, and simply focus on having fun together! That's it. Do not try and solve any problems. Do not try and save your marriage or have ultra-serious talks.
4. To save your marriage, you may want to consider marital therapy, the best way in the world to get to the bottom of your problems. But you can't do that right now, it is always helpful to take stock in yourself and think of ways you can be a better person, a more responsible or devoted partner or a more sensitive and creative lover!
Take stock in yourself. Instead of pointing the finger at your spouse and finding fault, ask yourself honestly and objectively what you can do to improve yourself... and do it. Don't wait for your spouse to make changes. Take the initiative. Be the mature one. Start working on yourself. It'll come back to the relationship in time.
5. Another sure-fire method to solve your relationship problems is to deepen and expand your friendship. Friendship is the foundation or rock of your relationship. If you're having sexual problems, solidifying the bedrock of your relationship, your friendship, may just be the way to go. Re-establishing trust. Just spending quality time together when you are not bickering or fighting. That will go a long way toward rebuilding your friendship and saving your marriage, as well as bringing back some real passion!
6. Have you become a bit predictable and boring in the romantic department? If so, a great way to rekindle the fires of passion in your relationship is to try something new and cool and different! No technique works better than novelty ot surprise! Do something different. Avoid falling into a rut. Be inventive and spontaneous.
But it doesn't have to be a bedroom technique, try meeting your spouse at the door with a whale of a hug and kiss. And say something like, "I'm so glad you're home!" Then make your spouse feel glad, too.
The Crux Of The Matter
In the final analysis, marital problems can be improved or solved by going back to the basics and restoring your underlying friendship, having fun together again, trying new things and taking an objective look at yourself. Injecting a sense of playfulness, variety and optimism can help a great deal. Get out of that rut and sprinkle some new spices on your marriage or romantic relationship -- try a little joy, comedy, compassion, change or surprise -- and good things will happen!
If you've become overly serious or turned into an old hag, lighten things up a little and try to become a more joyful person. Chances are, your spouse will see the difference and lighten up, too.
And don't forget the intriguing and thoughtful person you once were... when your relationship was just starting... and recapture a bit of your old magical essence. Your marriage will perk up in no time! If you need more help, try marital therapy with a competent therapist. Or you may consider relationship coaching services, if you need a gentle push in the right direction.
Richard Hamon is a dynamic coach and therapist with more than 30 years of professional experience. Richard helps people to solve their relationship problems, enjoy truly extraordinary marriages and find exceptional success in all areas of their lives.
You'll find all kinds of articles on how to spice up your relationships and lead a happier life at Richard's website, Happy-Relationships.com. Find out about personal coaching programs to assist you in quickly reaching your loftiest goals. Discover eBooks, relaxation CDs and other informative products that are being added to the site, such as a free relationship quiz to help you assess your relationship.
Richard Hamon is a dynamic coach and therapist with more than 30 years of professional experience. Richard helps people to solve their relationship problems, enjoy truly extraordinary marriages and find exceptional success in all areas of their lives.
You'll find all kinds of articles on how to spice up your relationships and lead a happier life at Richard's website, Happy-Relationships.com. Find out about personal coaching programs to assist you in quickly reaching your loftiest goals. Discover eBooks, relaxation CDs and other informative products that are being added to the site, such as a free relationship quiz to help you assess your relationship.
So There You Have It! Expert Advice on How to Save a Marriage
If you found even one piece of advice shared by our experts helpful, I'm really glad.
And I hope what you've gathered from this article is that saving your marriage from divorce takes a lot of work, requires time and commitment from both spouses, and it won't happen overnight.
But it is possible!
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