The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off.
Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.
And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. But you must understand that I said "simple." That is not the same as "easy." These steps are not easy. They do, however, give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.
How I Saved My Marriage" Article
For the past couple of days I have seen a handful of people link to and share the article, How I Saved My Marriage, by Richard Paul Evans on social media. While I normally ignore shared articles, I chose to read it because well, my dad emailed it to me. (Here I am 25 years old and still listening to my dad...)
The author describes for us his marriage of 30+ years, from the time when they used to fight constantly and built "emotional fortresses" around their hearts, to the turn-around point where they were both happy and "craved" the company of the other. How did this happen? Service and love. Evans explains how he realized one night when he was at his lowest point that he couldn't change his wife, he could only change himself. And so it began, this mentality of service to his wife. For the first month he would begin each day by asking her, "How can I make your day better?" At first she was startled and didn't really know how to respond, but as the days past and she realized he was being sincere, she began to ask him the same question and their relationship was saved.
I've only been married for a little over 3 years but I can agree with Richard Paul Evans in his statement that "Marriage is hard." I love my husband. No, we don't hold grudges or fight and I don't think we have ever gone to bed angry at each other. However, I am not the easiest person to live with, yet Marshall always goes out of his way to serve me and put my needs before his own. I've got a lot to learn from his example!
Just this morning as I was washing up the breakfast dishes, the garbage disposal clogged up randomly and both sinks were filling with water. Marshall was headed out the door to catch the bus for school, but he stopped to see if he could help. He then spent the next 15 minutes under the sink, draining the clogged pipe just so that I could finish washing the dishes this morning. Consequently he missed the bus and had to ride his bike to school. The amazing thing is that he did not complain once. Not a sigh or a tone of disappointment. He just knew I needed help and so he dropped everything he was doing to help his wife out. Now that is service and love. If anything is going to keep a marriage together it is that. Of course his actions towards me made me feel guilty about being a teensy bit annoyed at all the water and debris left on my kitchen floor and under the sink...but like I said above, he is my exemplar and I have a lot to learn.
The point is, Richard Paul Evans is right. When we try to change the other person in any relationship, we will fail. It is only when we change ourselves and reach out to the other in love and service that our relationship, be it between a spouse, best friend, co-worker, child, or anyone else, is preserved. Marshall has always been a great example of thinking of me before himself.
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