Why as a divorce mediator are you writing about how to save a marriage relationship? Isn’t it your job to help couples end their marriage with a no-fault divorce?
Honestly, I was thinking the same thing…
Yes, my job is to help couples divorce peacefully and it isn't my role to help a husband and wife find a way to save the marriage. But divorce mediation is only appropriate when both spouses are on the same page.
If one of you wants to end your marriage but the other wants to know how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce, there’s not much I can do.
How to Save Your Marriage When Counseling Has Failed
My marriage nearly ended a few years ago and it was the toughest experience of my life. Even though my wife and I had tried numerous counseling sessions it had not worked. She told me she wanted a divorce, but still I was determined to save our marriage! I'd like to tell you what I learned and how to save your own marriage, even when counseling has failed you. Your marriage does not have to be over. You can still take action to save it!
First of all, let me share the news with you. There have been studies which have shown that married couples who have attended counseling still face the same 50% divorce rate that the general public faces. In other words, counseling does not appear to save many marriages. The same studies further indicated that only 20% of the couples who attended counseling felt that it was any help. That's right! The failure rate of traditional marriage counseling is 80%!
Here is the problem. Traditional marriage counseling normally focuses on the well being and happiness of the individual because the vast majority of counselors are trained in individual counseling. These well meaning professionals try to apply that same model to marriage and it doesn't work very well. In fact, the use of this faulty model can actually make the problem worse because it focuses on improving communication skills as the solution to the couple's problems. Rarely is communication the problem! Often times this just teaches the couple how to fight better!
How do I know all this? Because my marriage was awful and counseling only seemed to make it worse. It definitely wasn't helping and now it had reached the point where my wife didn't want to be married any more. I was determined to save our marriage but I didn't know how. The more I reached out to her to try and save our marriage, the more she seemed to pull away from me. What had happened to us?
Then, just when it seemed that divorce was inevitable I made some important discoveries that would change everything:
1. I had to stop playing the blame game
2. I had to take responsibility for saving the marriage
3. I had to be willing to rely on expert help
4. I had to be willing to take specific action
If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?
The solution I discovered has been so successful that it was featured on Dateline NBC and has nearly a 90% success rate! It works even when only one partner wants to save the marriage! And you can do it at home without spending tons of money on counseling that doesn't work!
So There You Have It! Expert Advice on How to Save a Marriage
If you found even one piece of advice shared by our experts helpful, I'm really glad.
And I hope what you've gathered from this article is that saving your marriage from divorce takes a lot of work, requires time and commitment from both spouses, and it won't happen overnight.
But it is possible!
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