Is your Marriage at High Risk for Divorce?

Each year in America alone, nearly 1 million marriages end in divorce.This is an incredible number! That would be as if all the citizens of Houston Texas were divorced (each divorce leaves 2 people).

The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off.

Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.

And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. But you must understand that I said "simple." That is not the same as "easy." These steps are not easy. They do, however, give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.

Is your Marriage at High Risk for Divorce?

Take this quick test:

• · Were either of you under 22 when you married?
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• · Did either of you not get your high school diploma or GED?
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• · Do you make under $24,000/year as a couple?
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• · Are you two of different religions?
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• · Did either of your parents divorce?
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• · Are you or your spouse very critical of each other ?
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• · Are you or your spouse very defensive?  Do either of you need the last word?
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• · Do you tend to withdraw from each another?
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• · Do either one of you feel contempt for the other?

The more you answered "yes" to these questions, the higher is your risk for divorce.  Those who answer “no” generally have more realistic expectations of one another and their marriage.  They tend to communicate better, use more effective problem solving skills and are found to have higher compatibility scores.

What type of person is most likely to benefit from marriage counseling?  Well, everything else being equal, women seem to learn more from it than their spouses.

What type of couple benefits the most from marriage counseling? The answer is younger, communicative, educated, egalitarian, still loving and relatively open-minded couples.

Everything else being equal, important factors associated with unsuccessful marital therapy include:  Procrastinating before seeking help,  spouses who are determined to get a divorce and/or those who is closed to any new suggestions.

Dr John Gottman's research discovered that all couples experience conflict in their marriages but the happier ones manage their disagreements better because of a foundation of affection and friendship which they previously developed. Those without this foundation don’t appear to have the commitment, motivation or skill to problem-solve effectively under high stress.

Bottom line - if you really care about your marriage and think it may be in trouble, don’t wait. Seek marriage counseling as soon as you notice the warning signs and make a committment to be open-minded during the process.